Looks or Love?
by Youngsoul
Summary: Natsu didn't think of himself as a superficial person. But when he realizes his feelings towards a certain older mage that all seems to change. Gray only seems to like beautiful people. He likes very thin people and suddenly Natsu finds himself in a cage he created for himself and is nearing his own death. Can Gray save him? Contains eating disorder. Rated M for language and theme
1. Chapter 1

**Hi ya'll! Sorry for taking so long with this story, here it finally is!**  
**I've been busy since I just moved and I had my 18th birthday so things have been really crazy.**  
**On to the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. No joke.**

**_Important note:  
_**  
**I have never had an eating disorder of any kind. I can only try to imagine the horrors of what it truly feels like and if I do not express the feelings of having an eating disorder correctly, I can only apologize for that.**

**This story will explain in very much detail how eating disorder possibly feels like and I do not recommend reading it if you have ever had an eating disorder or feel like you are very self-conscious.**

**As I said before, I have not had an eating disorder. However, I have and am suffering from depression and at one point I was very self-conscious about how I looked, causing me to avoid going to school or even outside the house. I was so terrified about showing myself to other people that I became physically ill because of it any time I was about to leave the house.**  
**I can only use my own experiences and what I know about the eating disorder from various sources. I'm sad that I have had to witness too many people creating this cage for themselves and live in such horror daily as they got thinner and thinner by the day.**

**For the last part of my long note, I wish that every one of you reading this will take eating disorder very seriously. If you have a feeling that you might have an eating disorder, please consult someone professional.**

**Thank you for being here, I hope that you will still like the story even though it will be heavy reading.**

–

"-Yeah, and the girl I met last month- you should have seen her! I don't think I have ever seen such impressive curves. And that rack she had, just.. perfect." Gray kept bragging, taking a sip of his drink before he continued his story.

Of course, there weren't any girls around to listen. There were only men sitting at the table in the corner of the guild but it wasn't situated far enough to prevent their loud voices from resounding through the hall. Everyone at the table was either very drunk or slightly so, and most of them were having a blast, laughing and clapping as they told stories about their adventures of one-night-relationships.

There was one person who was however sulking at the end of the table. Natsu was not amused at all as he listened to Gray's "amazing" sex stories.

They were so fake! Definitely. They _had_ to be. Right? Natsu wondered as he emptied his second drink at one go. He was feeling a bit pissed for some reason.

Sure, Gray was good looking and all but surely he hadn't had _that _many one-night-relationships?

"OI, Natsu!" Gray's voice made his head snap up to find the older grinning at him in a mean way. "I bet you've never had sex with anyone!" He said and laughed at the pink-haired boy, making the other drunken men laugh too.  
Natsu knew that no one was in their right mind so they would laugh at anything currently. He wasn't really bothered by all the laughing but he did feel embarrassed and he found himself growing a bit read in the head and he turned away in an effort to hide his red cheeks.

Gray's laugh stopped at the action, before his laugh roared even louder than before and Natsu could almost _hear_ the amused teardrops leave his eyes.

"W-waha-! Y-you-!" He was laughing too hard to form a proper sentence. Natsu turned to look at him in anger, as if warning him not to say a word more. Gray was laughing so loudly that the entire guild could not block his voice from their hearing.

"Y-You've never had sex with _anyone_?!" He shouted so loud that everyone in the guild definitely heard.

Natsu shot up from his seat, his cheeks red both from anger and embarrassment and grabbed Gray by his collar.  
Everyone around them was laughing, not caring that a fight between the two was about to break out.

"You damn exhibitionist! At least I'm not a man-whore like you!" Natsu shouted in anger.  
"Huuh?" Gray snarled in annoyance. "Do you have such a hard time accepting that I'm popular while you-" Gray paused as he pinched Natsu's cheek hard, "-are a baby-faced virgin?!"

"Damn you!" Was the only thing that Gray got as a warning before Natsu threw a punch at his face. The hit landed, sending Gray flying.

Gray was back on his feet right after he landed, and he rebounded to land a punch of his own on Natsu's now-red cheek.

As the two kept throwing punches and kicks at each other, everyone, especially the men at the corner table, kept laughing loudly.

The fight was eventually stopped by the angry women in the guild who were looking for some peace and quiet for a change.

–

In bruises and bad mood, the two young men who had just fought sat across each other at a table near the front of the guild. They were both looking at the opposite direction of the other and didn't even try to hide their sulk.

"You damn ice-freak. Why do you always have to start a fight?" Natsu said angrily as he finally looked at the older boy. The other turned his head to look at the pink-haired one with similar anger on his face.

"Me?! You're the one who punched me, remember?!" Gray shouted in his defense, only adding more fuel to the fire.

"It's your fault for calling me a baby-face!"

"A baby-faced _virgin_." Gray reminded, making sure to draw the last word out to annoy the younger even more. It worked like he had planned and the other was on his feet, ready to fight some more in less than a second. Natsu opened his mouth to say something more, but before he could, someone punched his face to the table with such force that it left his head spinning.

Natsu couldn't lift himself up at first and he was forced to listen as a strong voice of a certain red-haired woman scolded them.

"Seriously you two-!" Natsu turned his head to see his rival at the other side of the table having also got his head punched with the same force. The other wasn't looking at Natsu, and the younger just hoped he had gotten a stronger hit. That would teach him.

"-Are you listening Natsu?!" Erza shouted, making the said boy jump in his seat. When he recovered, he instantly started acting like usual.

"It's this stupid stripper's fault!" As those words had left his lips, another force beat him down on the table, making sure that the pink-haired boy would have a headache for the rest of the day.

Erza could only sigh as she walked away from the two young men. They would never learn. And she was right as the two were once again fighting after only a couple of minutes had passed.

–

After the day had mostly passed and the air outside cooled, also the inside of the merry guild calmed.

Natsu had just realized that he hadn't eaten anything but breakfast that day and so he decided to help himself to a good meal. The guild might have not had the town's best meals, but at least there was enough food for someone with a big appetite and to Natsu's luck, he had a good money situation and so he was able to buy himself a feast for a change.

The plates were emptied with the same speed as the new ones arrived as Natsu hogged the various types of meals down.

Lucy had sat down at his table after finding nothing else to do and now she just leaned to her hand and watched the other eat.

"I'm still baffled how you can eat all that." Natsu was about to answer her but he realized that he couldn't as his mouth was filled with food. Fortunately, or unfortunately for Natsu, there was someone who filled the silence.

"No wonder you have such fat cheeks when you eat so much." Natsu stopped his munching and gulped down what he had in his mouth before he turned to look at Gray.

"..What did you say?!" Natsu shouted. Lucy threw her hands up, getting up and leaving the table, mumbling: "I have had enough of you two for one day."

Gray crossed his arms and wore a cheeky smile.  
"I said that you are going to be a virgin forever if you keep eating like that...fatty."

And as could be expected, Natsu threw a punch at Gray but the older was ready this time and avoided the fist with ease before he landed a strong kick on Natsu's stomach, sending him crashing to the wall.

Gray only laughed as the other glared at him as he got up.

"What's wrong? Did you _eat_ too much?" The raven-haired said and tried to hold his laughter.

Natsu, however, wasn't amused. He knew that if he opened his mouth it would only cause the two to brawl more and frankly, Natsu didn't want to fight him any more today. He only glared at the older as he waited for some kind of answer from the younger.

"Would you just quit it?! I don't know what your problem is today but leave me out of it!" Natsu shouted a bit louder than he intended, silencing the people around them. He didn't really care. He just wanted Gray to quit his anger venting on him. Of course, the older saw no reason for it.

"Oh, so not only are you a fatty but you act like a girl too you-!" Before Gray could finish, a splashing sound was heard, cutting the man off.

Natsu was a bit surprised to find Lucy holding an empty bucket in her hands, having emptied the contents on the raven-haired.

There was a moment of surprised silence before Lucy spoke.

"Gray, cool off." The said man opened his mouth to argue but he snapped it closed, still looking pissed.

After that, the topless man turned towards the guild door and ran.

Natsu sighed and got up, brushing his clothes for any dust or dirt. He didn't know what had been going through Gray's head just a moment before but he would be lying if he told that he didn't care. He did in a way. Not enough to ask him about it, but enough to take the insults. The idiot was just having a bad day. It wasn't the first time. It would pass.

When he returned to the table he noticed that his food had become ruined as the water had splashed all over it.

Natsu sighed and decided that it was the time to head home. He called for his best friend and waited until the blue cat flew on his shoulder before he walked outside.

It was strange that Natsu couldn't focus on anything the cat was babbling about on the way home as he was only thinking about how Gray had acted that day.

Realizing who was occupying his thoughts, he shook his head and stopped.

"Hey Happy, how about we buy something good from the bakery?" The mage suggested as they stood just before the bakery. The cat tensed in excitement.

"What?! Really?!" The cat almost shouted. Being happy how his friend reacted, he walked inside the shop.  
"Yup. Choose anything you want!"

After taking some time the two found pastry which pleased them they paid the kind-looking woman and walked out the shop.

Munching happily his fish-bread the blue Exceed flew ahead of the pink-haired boy, seemingly his only thought being about what he was eating.

Natsu was deep in thoughts. Gray was rarely so cruel towards him. Sure, they insulted each other and would punch each other if they got pissed enough but the way Gray was today.. It was different.

Natsu walked silently and watched the various shops passing them by. One shop had big glass windows and Natsu stopped when he saw his own reflection.

Why would Gray ever call him fat? He had a lot of muscles which made his body bigger but there wasn't any fat. Then the slight pain on his cheek reminded him of the new nickname he had gotten, 'baby-face'. Natsu found himself pinching his own cheek and stretching it out. His cheeks were definitely rounder than Gray's were. Was it so bad?

Natsu then remembered how Gray had been calling him a virgin for several times and he found himself feeling all embarrassed again.

"Heey, Natsu! Come on!" A voice shouted from ahead and cut off Natsu's thoughts. Happy was waiting impatiently for the mage who had stopped suddenly.

Natsu found a smile warming his face and he ran to his friend.

It was no use thinking about such things. Gray just had a bad day. Tomorrow everything would be better again.

Right?

**A/N:  
I won't lie, the next chapter will take some time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry that this story is taking a lot of time to update. I choose quality over fast updates.**

**-  
**  
Turns out that one day wasn't enough to cure Gray's bad mood.

"I'm. Not. Fat!" Natsu shouted at the older mage in anger. What the hell was his problem? He understood that he had had a bad day but the next one too? And why was he venting it all on him? And by this new stupid way?

"Well how do you explain those chubby cheeks of yours then?" Natsu felt enraged. He slammed his fork on the table loudly. Did the bastard ever quit?

"What the fuck is your problem?!" He shouted. Gray only seemed to find the entire situation amusing.

"Ooh, nothing. I'm just making sure your fat ass won't take up my seat." Gray said and poked Natsu once sharply in his side. As soon as Gray's hand retreated Natsu grabbed his wrist and held it firmly while staring the older angrily.

"I don't need to look like some thin girl. And I'm not fat. You know that I have muscles, not fat." Natsu continued, trying to make the older mage stop him from using this stupid new way of teasing.

Gray only laughed. "Well I sure disagree."

Natsu gritted his teeth and was about to lash out again. He stared at the raven-haired man for a while and saw something that made him calm. There was hurt in Gray's eyes. Something was causing him to be pained and he could not get out those feelings in any other way than fighting Natsu.

The younger mage felt his anger settle and he let go of Gray's hand. The other looked surprised by the action and even more so when Natsu gave a loud sigh and wordlessly, turned around and left.

Unfortunately, Natsu couldn't get far before Gray suddenly grabbed his arm from behind and pulled it harshly, causing Natsu to stumble and almost fall.

"You're running away?!" Gray asked in anger and surprise. Natsu didn't feel like fighting anymore. Gray was surely hurt because of something but surely Natsu didn't have to just stand and take all of it?

"I just think this is stupid." He said calmly but as he somehow expected, Gray became more angry.

"_Stupid?_ The only thing _stupid _here is _you_!" He shouted at Natsu.

Natsu would have usually felt his blood boiling by this point. But now, he didn't. He just stared at the older into his eyes, trying to see what was wrong with him. Was there something that he could do?  
Gray kept waiting for an answer with his teeth gritted in anger. The two stared at each other for a good while before Gray decided that he had had enough and he let go of Natsu's arm. For a while the pink-haired thought that Gray would have calmed down but instead he shoved Natsu on the floor with unneeded force and turned away to leave the guild once again.

Natsu sighed and got up. He watched Gray's retreating back and he wondered once again what had made his mood so bad.

Before he could thing about it any longer he heard a clatter of armor and a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it Natsu. Gray is just having a hard time lately as he was turned down by a girl a couple of days ago." Erza's voice told him.

Natsu raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"What? _That's _what he's so upset about?" Erza made an agreeing sound and patted Natsu's back.

"So don't worry about it." She finished and left.

Natsu kept staring at the guild doors where Gray had just left. That's all it had been? A girl?

Natsu felt a strange feeling go trough him. Who could be so special to him to make him so upset? And why did he not see that he had so many people who cared about him? Even Natsu himself... Gray just didn't see any of it.

He found himself becoming sad and feeling sort of betrayed. He wondered if he should go to find the older but he brushed the thought away.

Gray would handle himself and hopefully he might even be on a better mood the next time Natsu saw him even though he doubted it.

Natsu felt hungry but with everything that the other mage had just insulted him with, he just didn't feel like eating. He could almost hear Gray insulting him again: 'You're such a girl..' Natsu shook his head. He shouldn't think about it. It wouldn't do him any good.

Natsu went over to the quest-board. Many new quests had been brought in today. Good. He looked at them and compared them. He didn't really care how much he got out of them, he just felt like venting his own frustration into something else than his fellow mages.

He saw one quest with a familiar client name. This guy lived a couple of towns away and he owned a big transport company. They mostly did their business by train but sometimes they would get trouble with the Vulcans while using carriages. This quest was the same. A pack of Vulcans had been sighted at some forest Natsu hadn't heard about and were asked to be dealt with.

Natsu knew that kicking some Vulcans' ass was a fine way to let out some steam and so he took the paper from the board and walked over to the counter.

When Mira had confirmed that Natsu took the quest and had made a quick call to the client, Natsu turned to leave.

He saw Happy hanging out with Charla and Lily and he made a quick decision to leave him behind this time. Natsu needed some time on his own. He walked over to the Exceed and quickly told him his intentions.

"Really? Are you sure you won't need my help?"

"Yeah. You just go home without me today. I'll be back in a day or so." The young mage told his friend and left for home to pack.

–

Natsu's stomach rumbled for the first time when he waited for the train on the platform. He figured it would be best if he didn't eat anything so if he was to get nauseous on the train there wasn't going to be much to throw up. As even the thought of getting motion-sick made Natsu's stomach turn, he tried to think about something else.

Confusingly, the first thought that popped into his head was: 'I wonder if Gray is feeling better?' He wondered if the older had gone home to sulk or if he had decided to hook up with some girls at the local bar. Natsu found himself becoming a bit annoyed by the thought of Gray flirting with the skinny and pretty girls. Noticing his reaction, he quickly shook his head. Why would he be bothered by that?

The train arriving was a good distraction for Natsu as he could only think about keeping the last of his stomach contents inside of him for the next couple of hours and not think about anything unnecessary. Although, he wasn't quite sure which was better in the end.

–

As Natsu stumbled out of the train he really wished he could some day get some kind of cure for his motion-sickness. It really was a bother!

"Mister Natsu Dragneel?" A sweet voice of a young girl said suddenly right in front of him. He lifted his gaze to find a blonde girl with a white dress staring at him with a fake smile on her face.

Natsu had forgotten about this client's strange habit. He would always send one of his 'girls' to pick up the mage performing the mission.

"Uh, hey." Natsu answered the girl a bit nervously. The last girl he met had been everything else than what the sweet look had suggested. In fact, her she had been so foulmouthed-

"What are you? An exhibitionist? Cover yourself up!" Yeah. This girl wasn't really any different.

Natsu sighed. He definitely wasn't an exhibitionist (unlike a certain someone he knew) because he just preferred to wear a vest instead of a shirt.

He would have argued if he wasn't still feeling so sick because of the train ride and so he just walked past the girl.

"Let's just go." He said and tried to stand straight. The girl soon followed him and was thankfully silent even though Natsu could feel her bad mood in the air. Unfortunately it didn't last long and she started rambling about how unsophisticated the people in Fairy Tail were. Natsu wasn't listening to a word she was saying. His guild was perfect just the way it was and he didn't really care what other people thought about it.

–

Natsu was overjoyed by the fact that the client offered him a good meal when they reached his mansion.

Natsu and the client now sat at a long table, the mage on the other end and the client at the other. Natsu received his first plate and began to hog down the meal.

The client looked at him with round eyes. "Uh.. you sure have an appetite, Mister Dragneel." He said and as a drop of sweat rolled down his forehead.

"Just 'Natsu' is fine." The mage said in between his munching.

"Are you sure you should eat so much?" The comment made Natsu stop. Sharply, like a knife, words of someone else pierced his thoughts and made his heart ache.

"_No wonder you have such fat cheeks when you eat so much." _He gulped down what he had in his mouth and stared at the huge amount of food that was still waiting to be devoured by him. He suddenly didn't feel like eating any more. But as he couldn't deny his hunger, he took a bite of the meat that he had almost completely finished. He was surprised to find that he felt unable to swallow. He finally managed to do so but his appetite was gone.  
Natsu was on a bad mood now. He knew he didn't eat enough and he remembered the stupid ice-freak too.

"I'm leaving." Natsu stated and got up. The client panicked and shot up from his chair. "Wait! What about the mission!?"

Natsu turned to look at the man in annoyance before answering, "I'm leaving _to do _the mission." He said and turned. Before he could walk out the client called for him again.

"Wait, there is something else!" The man said and ran to Natsu before he offered money for him. "Here, take it. It's the reward. I know that I am supposed to give it to you afterward, but I have to leave for an important business-meeting. I know I can count on you to complete it and you won't have to return here again for it."

Natsu raised his brow in wonder. "Okay...Sure. Whatever." He said and took the money before stuffing it into his pockets and leaving. He just wanted to get the mission over and done with.

–

Natsu didn't really think that the lack of food would affect him so much.

He had found the noisy Vulcans in a couple of hours but they had turned out to be a lot more trouble than Natsu had imagined.

It was impossible for him to lose to such creatures, but the lack of food made his movements sluggish and he soon got tired.

It took time and he got too much damage to feel too proud about himself, but the Vulcans were down.

Natsu fell to the ground, panting as the battle was finished.

"Damn it.." Natsu panted, "That was pathetic.."

He leaned back to a tree and tried to catch his breath.

Once he felt a bit better, he stood up. He swayed on his feet and felt pain all over his body. The Vulcans had really done a number on him. He was covered in bruises and he tasted blood in his mouth. Nothing was broken, thankfully, but it was a real embarrassment. How could he show his face at the guild now?

Natsu sighed and decided that he didn't care what everyone else thought about him right now. He just wanted to head back home so he could catch some sleep and forget about everything that had happened.

–  
**This chapter isn't that interesting. It will be better in future. Just stick with me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A bit shorter chapter this time but I feel like after this I can actually start the difficult writing process.  
I'm sorry for not answering the reviews that you have left, I do read them all and I appreciate every single one of them.  
Many seemed to be wondering why Gray is so cruel. He is isn't he? Sorry about that. Things will be different in future. Not yet in this chapter, unfortunately.****  
Enjoy  
-**

Natsu felt absolutely miserable when he finally got out of the train in Magnolia and he collapsed onto the platform as his head and stomach kept spinning.

Soon he noticed that he was having the worst day of his life as he heard a voice which he hadn't wanted to hear.

"You look terrible." Natsu turned his head towards the voice and saw an annoyed-looking Gray staring down at him.

"Thanks for reminding me." The pink-haired mage answered with sarcasm and didn't even make an attempt to get up. He felt like pressure was building inside of his head from annoyance as the older mage gave a light kick on his side.

"You should move, you're in the way." Gray said harshly. Natsu paid him no heed.

"Don't you have a mission or something?" Natsu wondered, "since I'm guessing you didn't come here to welcome me home."

Gray removed his foot from the younger one's side and turned away from him.

"It's none of your business."

Natsu stayed quiet for a while and remembered what he had been told as the reason for Gray's bad mood. "It's pretty stupid to be all pissed because of some girl."

In a flash, Gray had grabbed Natsu's collar and pulled him up. He then stared the fire-mage coldly. "What would you know? You have never been in love with anyone! I bet you have never even cared about anyone." After those words he pushed Natsu away.

The younger felt angry and unusually offended and sad about Gray's words and he found himself thinking as an answer: _'I do care, even about you!' _He then realized his words and stayed silent, just staring at Gray's back as he approached the train.

The older looked at Natsu over his shoulder with those dark, cold eyes once more.

"You disgust me, Natsu."

After those words the older was gone. The train left along with the stormy youth as a bewildered Natsu stood at the platform, just staring ahead where the other had just been at.

Gray's angry words still kept ringing in his ears over and over.

"_You disgust me, Natsu."_

Natsu's throat suddenly felt tight, as did his chest. He felt weak and he wanted nothing more than just sink into a corner and... Surprising even himself, Natsu noticed that he wished to cry. He was tired, shocked and sad.

He felt the first teardrops leave his eyes. _'No, no...not here, in front of everyone..!' _Natsu thought and hugged himself. He started to shake and he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop his outburst.

As the first drops wetted the gray stone beneath him, also the first sob tore from him. He held his head low and tried to become as small as possible.

It was humiliating, but he was crying in public. He had no idea if people were looking at him as he closed his eyes tightly.

Soon, he was rescued by the best way possible.  
"Natsu! I knew you were back! I could just feel it-!" Happy cheered as he flew right next to me. "-Huh? Natsu? Are you crying?" The cat sounded scared and worried as he floated closer. "You're hurt! Does it hurt that bad?" He asked and he placed his soft paw on the quivering mage's shoulder.

Natsu felt unbelievable relief. He let more tears fall and a small smile rose to his face.  
He nodded at his question but didn't look at him. "Yeah, Happy. It hurts. Can you... take me home?" The boy realized that he sounded really tired, but he knew that his best friend would understand.

"Alright Natsu, I'll take you home!" Happy said and grabbed Natsu's shoulders tightly before taking off.

Natsu was glad to notice that Happy flew higher than needed just so no one would see his weak state.  
The young mage still continued to sob silently through the whole journey all the way to their house until he could finally rest in his hammock.

He was feeling completely drained. His body hurt and he felt saddened by Gray's words and so he quickly fell asleep, his eyes still red from his salty tears.

–

Not even the morning sun had risen when Natsu woke up. His head felt heavy but he was glad that he had slept most of his tiredness away.

He remembered what had happened the day before and he sighed. He still felt insulted and sad about Gray's words.

He also knew what he had been about to say at the platform. He was going to admit something he himself hadn't quite realized. He had feelings for Gray. Because of those feelings, his insults had hurt much more than usual.

But how was it possible that he cared about the biggest jerk around? The other had done nothing else but insult him every day lately and now he was finding that he was falling for him? And Gray was a guy to boot! He had never, _ever, _had romantic feelings towards any guy before but apparently this time was an exception. It was mad in every single way, but Natsu could not deny his feelings.

Natsu shifted in his hammock and after a while he lifted his body up and swung himself down on the floor while trying not to make much noise.

He was surprised to find that his friend hadn't been sleeping next to him like usual but had made a bed for himself from a blanket on the floor. Taking pity on the little cat, Natsu lifted him on the hammock as gently as he could so he wouldn't wake him up.

After doing that, he noticed how terribly hungry he was.  
He was about to go out to fish some breakfast, but then he glanced at the table and saw that there was an untouched meal. It was clearly left for him to eat when he woke up.

Thanking his little friend quietly, he sat down and ate the meal happily. It made him feel a lot better, even though he knew that he would need to eat something more later to truly fill him up.

He glanced back into his apartment before he left into the slightly chill night air.

The young mage wasn't really sure where he was going to be headed now and so he just found himself walking towards the town.

There weren't a lot of people around the streets but for once Natsu enjoyed the silence.

He soon found that his feet had taken him to the guild. The lights were on like usual as the guild was never really closed. Natsu just shrugged and walked in. The exhibitionist wasn't going to be there so maybe he was going to get to have a nice, calm morning without anyone making fun of him?

To his luck, there really were a little people present, some had just returned from a mission as some just liked spending time at the guild.

Natsu went to the counter and ordered himself a coffee from the girl who was working the night-shift. She smiled and turned around to make the order. Natsu didn't really drink coffee often, but as unusual as the very early morning had already been, it seemed to be in place.

As he got his hot drink, he took it and retreated into one of the tables. He could hear some girls chatting a few tables ahead and found himself listening to their conversation.

"I have gained so much weight lately! It must be the sweets." The other girls gave an understanding hum.

"Me too! I feel like one moment I was all pretty but then the next, all this extra fat had appeared in my legs and ass. It's so gross!"  
Natsu wasn't really sure why he even continued to listen as he really wasn't interested about girl-talk.

"-And the worst of it is that my boyfriend noticed it! He even pointed it out, asking:

'Have you gained weight lately?'" The other girls commented about how rude the boyfriend had been. Natsu really didn't get their point, he had just asked a question, right?

"Tell me, do you keep yourself fit and looking nice for yourself or your boyfriend?" One of the girls asked the other two.

"I do it for him. Isn't it obvious to want to look your best for the one you love?" The other girls agreed and continued their conversation.  
Natsu wasn't listening to them anymore. He only repeated the sentence in his mind: _"Isn't it obvious to want to look your best for the one you love?"_

Was it that obvious? Did... he have to do so too now that he knew who he cared about?

For Gray... did Natsu need to become someone who he would appreciate?

Not ugly.. not someone who Gray would despise...

He got up from his seat. He would do it. He would change himself.

Maybe then Gray would notice his real feelings?

–

**I have to admit, this is a bit difficult story to write.  
Natsu is.. well, Natsu. His personality is so against everything depressing or self-conscious that trying to turn him into a person who has an eating-disorder is challenging to say the least.  
However, I will try my best as it seems like many people do read this. **


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is quite different from the other chapters.  
It will be Natsu's POV in a diary way.  
I know some might not agree with this style, but I feel like this story works better this way and it would have been very difficult to write almost an entire month day by day.  
I hope you will like it.**

* * *

If I had known at that time what was going to happen to me, would I have stopped it? Would I have made sure that I wasn't going to create the cage that ruined me, or would I have still continued to pursue the goal that I was never going to reach?  
–

My heart was beating loudly in my chest due to my excitement towards my new path. It would take time and patience, but I was definitely going to do it.  
I would become a person who Gray would start to appreciate more, someone who could be loved!

I found myself smiling to myself. This was perfect!

Now, I just needed some sort of plan and I knew who I could talk to about this.

–

It took about five hours but the person I wanted to see appeared. She walked to the counter and greeted the person behind it before ordering something.

I walked over to her and tried to act casual, even though I was pretty unsure how to start the conversation without raising any suspicions. I didn't want her or anyone else knowing what I was doing.

I walked to her and greeted her: "Morning Lucy." She greeted me back with a smile.

Now how was I going to do this?

"Do you want something Natsu? I could treat you something as a thanks for always helping me out with my rent." She said and I quickly shook my head.

"No, no. I'm fine." I said a bit too quickly and she gave a strangely sad smile which confused me.

"Natsu, you know, you don't have to worry about what Gray has been saying. He's just being a jerk. You don't have to change yourself at all." I appreciated her words and I nodded at her. However, I was completely focused on trying to do just that. I couldn't back out now.

"Yeah, thanks. I know." We stayed silent for a while before I continued. "Tell me Lucy, what if someone would...want to change themselves? What would they need to do? Just interested." I added in the end and hoped that my intentions wouldn't be revealed. She looked at me with surprise but then she seemed a bit thoughtful before she started to explain.

"Well, that depends on how one would want to change themselves. Some want to grow muscle and some want to lose weight-"

"-Losing weight. How.. do you girls do it?" I asked and crossed my fingers in hope that she wouldn't get angry with me or find me strange for asking stuff like this.

Fortunately, she only seemed delighted to answer.

"Well, at least I go on a diet once in a while. There are different types of diets to choose from but I really think exercise is the key to everything."

I nodded and listened to her explaining.  
She kept telling me about diets and how it would be easiest to maintain them and she gave many good tips. She only laughed when she finished explaining, not knowing that she really helped me out a lot.  
I was going to start a diet.

-Natsu's diary-

Day 1

So, Lucy told me that writing my thoughts down is good when I'm trying to lose weight. She also told me to write down what I had eaten during the day. I think that this is a bit stupid but whatever. I guess it won't do me any harm to try it out.

Morning: Two sandwiches, glass of juice

Day: Some kind of stew at the guild, I was hungry so I took three portions.

Evening: Grabbed some left-overs from fridge at home.

I also ate some other stuff, like one piece of cake Erza gave me. I know I shouldn't, so from now on I should decline.

Feeling a bit hungry now that I'm heading to bed. I ate way less than usual but I'm trying not to sneak anything from the fridge at night.

Day 2

I saw Gray today. He was being an asshole again.  
He has no idea that I.. shit. I can't write this stuff down.

Still, it makes me kinda sad that he's still not over that girl and he's so angry all the time. I wonder if there is anything I can do?

Lucy's advice was to exercise a lot, so I went running today. Three times. The last time was just because I fought Gray and I ran out after that. It was a good way to blow off steam. It was also good for my hunger. I actually became less hungry when I ran. I have also been drinking a lot of water. It helps too. Still, I felt really hungry today an hour after I had eaten lunch. I had to order some soup after that. It shouldn't be too bad, right?

This is what I ate today:

Morning: Happy made some fish today. Pretty sure it was sardines. I didn't count how many I ate. Quite a lot though, I thought it would be good to start a day with a good meal.

Day: We had some chicken at the guild for lunch. Took some soup afterward.

Evening: I wasn't too hungry after running. I ate two sandwiches and I drank a glass of milk.

Day 3

Today I began to train together with Erza. She was surprised at first but she accepted gladly. It's really good exercise even though I get punched more than I want to admit. I will continue to spar with her but I enjoy running way more. I ran early in the morning and then again after I left the guild.

I started to concentrate more on what I am eating. I got some tips from Lucy too even though she and no one else has no idea I'm trying to lose weight.

I bought a mirror today too since Gray made a remark about that too. He said that it was no wonder I couldn't see how fat I was as I didn't even own a mirror. Well, now I do.

Morning: As bread isn't apparently too good, I found that I didn't have too much to eat at home. I ate a couple of sausages we had left it the fridge before I left for my morning run.

Day: I went to the market and bought a lot of things before I headed home and cooked for myself. It was fun since I don't usually do that stuff. I roasted some meat and ate it with some vegetables. I still have to get used to those. Quite yucky to be honest.

Day 7

I was taking a mission and I [smudged] I didn't take this notebook with me as I didn't want anyone seeing me writing this stuff.

It's been a week now. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this.  
I have even exceeded my own expectations many times as I have felt less hungry and I have been able to skip meals or eat even less than I had planned.

I exercise every day. It takes up most of my time actually. Other times I am making my meals or planning on what I am going to eat.

During the mission I got a lot of tips from Erza and Lucy. I don't think they suspect anything.

Gray wasn't with us.

I actually think he is feeling a lot better lately. He still makes fun of me, but he seems a lot more relaxed and happy. I hope this goes on. Unfortunately, his attitude towards me is annoying and I feel myself getting really tired with him.

I have a headache so I won't write much more. This is what I ate today:  
Morning: A couple of apples

Day: -skipped-

Evening: Spaghetti at home with Happy. I threw in a lot of tomatoes.

Day 8

Today was a horrible day.

I have had a headache the entire day and I had a huge fight with Gray. I have no idea what I see in him! Why do I feel like I do? Shit. I even cr- [smudged over]

And everyone else seemed to be way more annoying than usual. Erza especially. I even snapped at Wendy for some reason. I didn't even apologize to her. I'm such an idiot..

I really wish I could see some results soon. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I just feel disappointed. Maybe Gray has really been right all this time.

Morning: -skipped-, someone told me it's better to take the morning run without eating.

Day: I ate a many plates of what we had at the guild today, we were having a barbecue and I just couldn't say no!

Evening: -skipped-, I felt really sick for some reason and the thought of all that I had eaten on lunch.

Day 9

Too tired to write today.

Morning: Glass of milk (fat-free)

Day: Went home and made a new kind of salad and grilled some chicken too.

Evening: Ate some of the leftover salad

Day 10  
  
I don't know what's going on. I feel so angry all the time. Even now.

I feel angry at others, but mainly at myself. I'm not getting the results I'm wanting.

Gray has noticed that something is up with me. He still calls me names though.

Day 14  
  
God, I don't know what's going on with me. I'm so stressed all the time.

I just shouted to Happy when he offered to make me dinner. He flew out, I think he was crying. What the heck am I doing?

But I just don't want to eat now. Doesn't he get it that I can't eat right now? Shit, I'm doing it again.

Morning: -skipped-

Day: Ate some salad at home

Evening: -skipped-, I didn't feel like eating after having my argument with Happy.

Day 15

Why won't I get thinner?! I have been doing this for two weeks now! I'm training like a madman: when I'm not eating, I'm training. I have asked so many people for help but nothing is working!  
My stomach is bulging. I hate it. I'm disgusting.

Morning: -skipped-

Day: -skipped-, I felt so anxious at the guild that I couldn't eat anything.

Dinner: I bought some fresh bread today as an apology to Happy. I ate three breads with some cheese and salad. I felt guilty afterward but it was delicious.

Day 16

Gray was a jerk yesterday. Like usual.

But now I did something else from usual. I changed my clothing. I couldn't stand looking at myself in that open vest. I took one of my loose hoodies to hide my body a bit. It didn't make me feel any better though. I felt like everyone was staring at me strangely.

Morning:-skipped-

Day: It seems like my anxiousness wasn't a one-day thing. I can't eat at the guild anymore.

Evening: Happy cooked us some salmon today. I ate some salad with the salmon.

Day 17

It's strange but I haven't really felt hungry in a long time.

It's definitely a good thing. I can skip more meals. I actually went through today by just drinking water. I have had terrible stomach pains though...

I also spend a lot less time at the guild nowadays. I just feel uncomfortable there. It's really weird.

Day 18

I'm noticing that people are staring at me all the time. What are they looking at?

Are they all like Gray? Do they think I'm disgusting? I'm trying to hide myself the best I can but it seems like I just can't do it... I stare myself in the mirror every evening and...

Gray hasn't talked to me in a long time. I think he really loathes me. I don't know which is worse, him not talking, or him only saying hurtful things.

I'm feeling sad and tired all the time.

Day 19

I have no idea what's going on with me.

Today, after I ate at home... I threw up. The thought of me eating that greasy meat. I just couldn't do it. I started to feel sick and I wanted it out of me. And then I just... shit.

Day 20

I can't stand these looks everyone is giving me.  
I had an argument with Lucy and Erza today. They were saying that I was acting different. I got so angry that I grabbed Lucy by her arm and even threatened her. I'm such an asshole.

I just stormed out after that. Master followed me out and offered me a mission so I could gather my thoughts in peace. I gladly accepted. I need to be alone right now.

I'm leaving this notebook back here. I don't think I need this anymore anyways.

Bye.

* * *

**The next chapter will be from Gray's point of view.  
It will probably also be the last or second to last chapter. I know it's a bit sudden but I don't see any reason to drag this story out.  
Until next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm really sorry for taking so long with this.  
I was in Turkey, then I got sick but now I'm okay again and so I decided to finish this story with an extra long chapter!  
Thanks for reading, I hope to hear from you all through my other stories too!  
**–

Looking back, I did see the changes. I just didn't want to see them and so I pretended that they hadn't appeared. Obviously it was the worst act I could do in the situation as I was the one who caused their appearance in the first place, and continued to do so unknowingly.

Now, I feel so stupid and angry at myself. How could I act the way I did? How did I not acknowledge the obvious?

The way his eyes seemed to dim every passing day and the way his smile no longer appeared, the way he flinched away when someone talked to him or tried to touch him, the way he stopped trusting his friends... How could I have been so stupid?

How did I allow myself to change into someone who made his smile disappear?

–

-Gray's POV (Two weeks before Natsu's disappearance)-

I did understand that I was being an asshole. There was really no good reason for me to insult Natsu the way I was doing, but I couldn't help it. Every time I saw his face I felt this uncontrollable fury rising inside of me and the words would just spit out on their own. I wasn't doing anything to even try to stop myself once I started. After all, it was Natsu. He was used to me insulting him. If I acted like I did towards anyone else, like the girls, I would try to control myself.

Okay, the time when Lucy dumped the bucket of water over me, I did realize that I had no control over myself or my words. I had taken the joke a bit too far.

The idiot, however, was being a bad sport in my opinion, backing out when I was clearly requesting a fight. We fought almost every day so why were these days so different, just when I needed to blow off some steam?  
Why, you might ask, do I need to blow off steam right now? Well, there was this incident. It was over in a flash really, but it left me angry and frustrated. And honestly...sad and guilty.

My teacher, Ur, died protecting me. So seeing a woman who looked just like her made me feel like old wounds were opening up again. I felt so angry at myself for being too weak and that's why I needed to vent on something. Or in this case someone, meaning my rival: Natsu.

Why fat jokes? Honestly, just because it's something I haven't done before. Nothing else to it.

I felt anger rising inside of me again as I saw the pink-haired idiot walking towards the counter, soon passing my table.

Taking my chance, I quickly extended my leg before his feet and like I hoped, he tripped and almost hit his head on the floor. He pushed himself up and looked at me in anger as I didn't even try to hide my actions.

"Let me think, next thing you're going to say is that I'm 'too fat to walk'?" Natsu looked like he was trying to hold himself back from grabbing me and throwing me through a wall.

I just smirked.  
"I believe you just said it yourself." I saw him grit his teeth as the blood kept rising in his head, making him redder and redder by the moment. It was truly hilarious.  
Just as I prepared myself for a good fight, Natsu gave a loud huff and turned around before stomping away in anger. What was wrong with him?! I was asking for a fight for gods sake!

I got so angry that I stood up and used magic on him, creating ice under his muffler, making him stop in shock before he let out a surprised scream.

I let out a laugh as Natsu melted the ice, creating steam, making it seem like he was so angry that it was rising from his head. He turned around slowly and this time I knew I had won.

"GRAY! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!"

–

Day after day Natsu seemed more withdrawn than the day before, and at the same, my anger just kept rising to new levels, bringing out the sides of me that I had wished would never appear.

I couldn't see the consequences of my words and actions at that time even though the damage I caused was serious.

Without anyone knowing, Natsu was growing weaker. He started hiding himself away by creating an emotional barrier around himself. The barrier grew stronger, as if eating away Natsu's strength in order to just devour it more by shielding himself away from the only people who could help him.

Maybe it was just me who failed to notice. Even though I heard the whispers, the words, the shouts, I denied them.  
I thought I knew him. I thought I knew me.

I was wrong after all. But at that time I just couldn't see it.

–

-Gray's POV (On the day of Natsu's disappearance)-

I turned my head as I heard the voice of the pink-haired dragonslayer. I was quite shocked to see him holding Lucy's arm as he stared at her angrily. He appeared very threatening. What he said next made my blood go cold.

"If you say another word I'll break your arm." His tone was cold and beyond serious.  
Everyone who had been listening to the conversation seemed to just stop and stare, unable to act due to their shock.

Erza was the first to snap out of it and she didn't hesitate to act. She grabbed Natsu's arm and tore it away from Lucy, before pushing her behind herself.

"Natsu, what's going on?" No worry could be heard from her voice that moment, only anger.

Natsu only stared at the two girls for a while before something in his eyes changed and he ran away from the situation.

I watched as he disappeared from the guild before I turned to look at the two girls. Lucy held her slightly bruised hand while wearing a scared and a worried look. Erza looked angry, but I recognized the same worry in her eyes.

Only then did I notice the difference. Natsu had changed.

But at that point it was too late as the boy disappeared from the door, not to return for a long time.

–

He had been gone for over a month now.

I wasn't sure why I was thinking about him so much. Was it the regret and shame for what I had said to him or maybe I was honestly worried about him since he had not been in a good state of mind when I last saw him?

Whatever it was, I was unable to stop thinking about him.

It had been so long already. Was he not going to come back? Was it... because of what I said?

I shook my head. He was just an idiot. He loved the guild more than anything. He would return soon, surely.

...Right?

"Oh! It's Natsu!" Someone shouted. I turned around in a flash to see the young man walking in the guild. I was right after all.

I couldn't see him well as the sun shone so brightly behind him and so I found myself walking towards him and, unexpectedly, grinning.

"Hey, you idiot! Where have you-" When I saw him, I stopped in shock.

"W-what the hell happened to you?" I asked a bit breathlessly. He looked terrible. I had no idea what could have caused his condition, but I had never seen him look like it. His skin, which had been full of healthy color, had now become pale and ghostly and the child-like roundness of his cheeks was gone and was replaced with sharp features which told me that he was very malnourished.

Questions ran through my head. Had he been captured and denied of food? Maybe even tortured?

I couldn't move. I just stared at him as he leaned on the door frame for support. He looked exhausted.

"Natsu!" I heard Erza shout behind me before he ran past me to help the weak mage. He however didn't like the idea of getting help and he swatted Erza's hand away with anger and displeasure.

"Don't touch me." He said with such coldness that it was hard to believe it was his voice. He then walked away from us without even sparing a glance.

Erza stared at Natsu's retreating back with just as much shock written on her face that I knew I also had.

"W-what?" She gasped.

As my shock finally seemed to fade, I felt the anger rise inside of me. Along with the anger came also determination and so I walked towards the younger mage with quick steps. I was right behind him in the matter of seconds and I threw out my hand to catch his wrist, stopping him. He turned to look at me with anger and I met his gaze with the same look.

"What the hell- Gray! Let go, you bastard!" The boy shouted with much more anger than usually. Like I was an enemy. The treatment I received only hurt for a moment before I gathered myself again.

"No, not until you tell me what the hell happened to you!" Only now I noticed how much attention we had gotten from everyone in the guild. Some had walked closer to see the shape Natsu was in as some just stared in shock or mumbled. Right then, I didn't care at all. The only thing I saw was the angry fire inside Natsu's eyes which seemed to grow even more vicious as I had finished my sentence.

"What the hell-" Natsu shouted as he yanked his arm from my grip with unnecessary force, "-does it matter to YOU!?" I got thrown back a step and I stared at him with surprise and worry. More than ever, I felt regret at that moment.

I had no idea what had happened to him. I could only imagine the worst. Maybe he was captured and used somehow? Maybe even...sexually? And during all that time he had felt like I hated him? I felt horrible. Was it...all my fault?

Natsu held his wrist, which I had been holding just now and panted hard as his exhaustion seemed to weight him down.

He held his head down and I saw his figure starting to sway. I knew what was going to happen and so I took a step towards him.

"Wh-why...would you even..." He could only breathe out before his legs gave out and he started falling. Without a word I easily caught him and I descended on the floor with him. I heard him panting weakly next to my ear.

"I thought you...were..." He whispered with his voice cracking before he fell completely limp in my arms.

People were talking loudly and they were swarming all around us. I only held Natsu's body closer to mine and I didn't allow anyone else to touch him.

I was completely silent as I turned Natsu's body so that I could reach my other arm under his knees and the other to support his back before I lifted him up with ease. I had to grit my teeth as the situation dawned even more clearly to me with the action. He was so _light _that it was almost ridiculous.

I pushed my way through all the worried people before I went upstairs towards the infirmary. As I heard running footsteps following me, I felt myself snap.

"Don't you FUCKING follow me!" I shouted as I turned my head towards the people behind me. I wasn't even sure who they had even been as I continued my way, but for sure, they all stopped and no one followed.

Even though I had let out my anger towards the people who had nothing to do with this, I knew that I was actually just angry at myself. I felt like I had never been so furious at my own stupidity before.

I opened the door to the infirmary and I was glad that no one was using it right now. I walked to the furthest bed and put Natsu down on it. I made sure that he was as comfortable as he could be that moment even though he stayed oblivious to it all.

I stared at him for a moment, as if trying to think for a solution for a problem yet finding none. I then sighed and removed his sandals from his feet.

I didn't have time to do anything else as the door opened. I turned my head quickly and I was about to shout again before I noticed who it was.

"Master." I said silently. He wore a gloomy look as he closed the door behind him and walked to the bed.

"I saw what happened back there. It's best if I take a look at him." I wondered if I had shouted at Master just now.

"I-I'm sorry for shouting." Master shook his head.  
"It's fine. I believe you had a reason." The old mage said as he looked at Natsu.

"I...I have been so cruel towards him. I said horrible things..." I ran my hand over my face and hair as I remembered all the things I had told him. I felt a bit sick to think that things had suddenly turned so bad.

I saw Master leaning closer before he lifted Natsu's hoodie up.

I gasped. The kid was just skin and bones! "W-what the hell?!" Master's look turned serious.  
"I thought so. Poor boy." He sighed and pulled the hoodie down again. I looked at him in confusion. What knowledge did he gain from that?  
"I don't understand, what happened to him?" I demanded. Master looked me straight into my eyes.

"I have been looking at your actions lately, Gray. Just as well as Natsu's. I had hoped that it wouldn't become so serious but I didn't realize just how much he was affected..." His gaze went back to Natsu's thin, unconscious figure.

"W-what?" I asked in confusion. Master locked his gaze with mine again.

"It's an eating disorder, Gray."

My world froze.

Then it all slowly started to make sense. Everything.

I shook my head before I let it sink into my hands.

"No, no, no, no..." I retreated a few steps until my back hit the wall behind me and I found myself sliding down to the floor.

Shit, shit, shit! It was all my fault. All of it. It was _me _who had driven Natsu into this.

"I'm sure that you can see how serious his condition is. Without treatment, he might die. I will get someone from the hospital to provide him some nutrition now that he is unconscious." I couldn't react to his words. I felt like I was spiraling into chaos and I wasn't able to stop it.

"I won't blame you for this as long as you know what to do now, Gray." With those words, he was gone and I was left in the room with the one I hated the most right then. Myself.

–

I woke up in a quite familiar room. I recognized it as the infirmary of the guild. _"How did I end up in here?"_ I lifted my head up slightly and saw that there was no one there. I fell back down right away and I didn't feel like I had any strength to move.

"_How long have I been here?"_ I wondered. I lifted my left arm and I felt something in it. I saw a needle going inside it and a thin tube going to a bag at the other end. I knew instantly what it was. _"No, no, no!" _I shouted inside my mind and ripped the needle off. It hurt. I held my arm where the liquid had just gone inside my vein. _"I need to go... I can't lay here for any longer..." _I thought as I pushed myself up. As my hand, which had just been holding my left arm, fell to my side I saw that it was covered in blood and glanced back at my left arm, where even more blood was seen. _"Good... maybe some of the nutrition will come out too..." _I thought and put my feet on the ground. Now I saw that my shirt had been changed. _"No...! They saw me when they changed the shirt! No, no, no!" _I shouted inside my mind and hugged my disgusting body. I soon gathered myself and took support of the edge of the bed as I shifted my weight to my feet. It was hard to stand. _"Why are you this weak? Why are you this disgusting? I hate you... I hate you so much..." _A voice said in my head. I soon noticed that I was crying again. I was just about to take a step forward when the door suddenly opened.

"Natsu!" A strong voice said in worry. I knew who it was. But it was the person that I really didn't want to see right now. I looked up to see him standing before me with a shocked look. I wanted to run away from him. I tried to step back but my feet couldn't carry my weight so I fell to the ground. I tried to move backwards, away from him, but I couldn't take my gaze from him.  
"No...! Don't- Don't look at me!" I said and I threw my hands on my upper body. My feet rose to cover myself better and I was finally able to hide my face from him. I wanted to disappear. I felt so ashamed of myself. A pathetic whimper escaped me and I could feel tears running down from my eyes. Crying felt much worse than before. It made my whole body shake and I couldn't stop the urge of hiding in a corner, hiding myself. I felt fragile. I felt like I was going to shatter if someone would hurt me anymore. But something that I didn't expect happened.

Gray walked a few steps closer to me and collapsed down to his knees. I slowly turned to look at him and I saw something that I didn't expect. His other hand was supporting him on the floor and the other was over his eyes. His form soon started shaking. I soon heard sound of drops falling to the ground and I slowly turned my head to look at the ground, where big teardrops were now resting. Then my gaze went back to Gray, whose cheeks were wet with tears. I couldn't really register what was happening. Gray was...crying?

"Natsu... I'm so sorry... It's all my fault...I'm so sorry... so sorry..." He tried to wipe most of the tears off his face before he continued.

"-I didn't mean it, really! I said so much stupid things... I feel so much regret that I could die-! -I'm just so sorry...!" He continued to say.

My tears stopped. I felt empty. What was he saying? He was sorry? He didn't mean it? So what...had I been doing up until now? For what did I torture myself inside for so long? I forced my body to stood up. I took support from the edge of the bed and walked towards the window. I didn't bother wiping away my tears. I just... couldn't take it anymore. I managed to open the window. I leaned out a bit. The air was so fresh and everything seemed to be so calm and pure. No one knew how I was feeling right now. No one knew that the world would be soaked in red soon. _"It's going to end.. Finally it's going to end..."_ I thought and more tears ran down my face as I leaned further out. Right when I was about to fall, a pair of strong arms caught me from behind in a hug.

"What are you doing?! Stop torturing yourself already! It's all my fault! Please, just blame me for everything and stop hurting yourself!" He shouted and pulled me down. I was powerless against him and we were soon on the floor, on our knees, and he never let me go. I tried to struggle away from his grip but it was no use. In my weakened state I couldn't do anything.  
"Let me- go!" I said and I heard my voice shattering. But it didn't matter right now. I just wanted to get away and end it all for good.

"No! You're going to hurt yourself again! I don't want to be the cause of your suffering anymore! You did this because I said... that you are fat, right?" He said and I stopped my movement.

"I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry... I didn't think that you would react this way.." He said sorrowfully. Maybe Gray still didn't realize? I didn't see Gray as a friend anymore. I was passionate about him. I couldn't live without him anymore. I couldn't live with the feeling of him hating me anymore.

"It's-" I started. He fell completely silent. It didn't matter anymore. I could just say it and get it over with. I turned to look at him. I must have looked terrible.

"It's because I love you!"

His eyes went wide. His mouth was left open. He was shocked. He hadn't realized it. He hadn't thought- even for a minute- that I was in love with him. I felt so stupid.

That moment seemed to last forever. It seemed like I was truly resting on the edge of a blade. Either way, there was no turning back. And either way, there wasn't any way for me to be happy anymore. After all, I had destroyed it with my own hands. Oh, how cruel life can be. My head hung low. I couldn't look at Gray's face anymore. It was too painful. His expression told everything. His companion, his friend, no, his rival, turned out to be in love with him. The balance they had now crumbled completely and left both sides hurt.

"Just..." I started. My voice was weak. I hoped that I could get my words through. I just felt so tired. I just wanted it all to end already. Because...

"-Just let me die already..." I just wanted to die for this unrequited love.

"I've already become like this... I just... want it all to be over..." I almost whispered. The road was nearing the end. Nothing was going to be the same anymore. But one thing was sure, I wasn't going to live for long. I lifted my head up just a bit. I was about to look at Gray, but before I could, his body was against mine. His strong hands were holding me in his embrace. He felt warm. He smelled nice. Everything about him made me love him more. Everything about him made me hurt more inside. Oh, how I would've wanted to stay there forever in his arms. But I wasn't the only one hurting. Gray was crying too. Because of me, his life had turned upside down. I couldn't apologize enough. His head was resting on my shoulder and his warm tears dropped silently against my back. His sadness made me sad. But I didn't want to cry anymore. I couldn't move. I just stayed in his arms, waiting for his judgment.

"You're such an idiot..." His voice said. Yes, I was such a fool. How did my life become like this, just because I ended up loving him?

"You're such an idiot, Natsu...!" His voice cracked and his arms wrapped around me even tighter than before. But this time, I wasn't trying to run away. This would be the last one. Just this one last embrace and it would be over.

"How can I love you if you're going to die, Natsu!?" The world stopped with those words. What did he just say? Did I lose my mind and start imagining things?

"W-what...?" I managed to ask out. Gray pulled away, but had his hands on my shoulders, holding me tightly.

"Natsu, you can't die like this! I still have many things to say to you- many things we have to do together- that's why-!" He gently shook my shoulders with those words.

"Let me fall in love with you." He said and looked me deeply in my eyes.

"Gray..." I thought that I wouldn't cry. I thought that no matter what he would say, I wouldn't sway. That I was going to be able to die today. What was this feeling? Suddenly, my chest felt light. The pain seemed to go away. The tears ran down my cheeks again. Hope. That was the feeling that I had locked away and forgotten. My whole body shook. I felt weak and so very cold. I didn't feel like myself at all.

"Gray...I...!" I said between my sobs as I finally realized.

"-I don't want to die!" I shouted and let my body fall against him. I was glad to feel his arms around me once again as I continued to cry to his chest. His strong hand traveled on my head and clutched my hair gently.

"It's okay, it's okay, Natsu. Everything will be okay, you hear?" Gray told me a bit breathlessly as he was a bit shaken himself.

"Jus-just...don't leave me..!" It was strange to find myself saying such weak things, but they were my honest feelings at that moment and now, more than ever, was the right time to say them. I was glad to feel Gray's hand rubbing my back while he held me even tighter.

"I won't. I promise. I will not leave you."

And that was all I needed. With those words I knew that everything would turn out alright.

**-End-**

**I hope that satisfied you all.  
I actually began to write this story by writing the ending first and it has remained almost unaltered.  
If you wish to read similar fictions I have written many and if you have read them already, leave a vote on my profile and I will write a new one of your liking.  
Thank you!**


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